Always Seek Comfort Where Love Can Be Found
by rashioe
Summary: Gen 2. Takes off where series 4 ended off. Keffy fic. Rated M for language and explicit content in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone. Although this isn't the first fanfiction I've written, it _is _the first I'm publishing. If you have constructive criticism, I'd be glad to hear it. But if you're going to be a bitch, fuck off.

Now. This story starts basically right after the end of series 4, so spoiler alert. It's going to be short, I've already finished it, but I might change some things. You should expect 9 (really) short chapters or so.

**Chapter 1**

**POV Katie**

Cook had been gone for an hour when he came back, with blood on his shirt. We all jumped off our seats to see what he was up to. He looked pissed, and we'd soon discover how right he was to be.

"Your", he managed to say breathlessly, pointing at Effy, "your shrink, YOUR FUCKING SHRINK. He, he killed Freddie." He looked devastated but yet so pumped and angry, all at the same time. "You're lucky, he would have come after you, but I beat the shit out of him. Now, he won't bother you anymore." He said, before he sobered, looked at the floor and added, his voice stringing with apprehension at our reaction. "He's dead"

Then he started yelling incomprehensible things. And all we did, all we _could_ do was stand there, shocked and took by surprise. Then the tension broke and everything fell apart. Karen made a muffled noise and left running. From the corner of my eye, I saw Effy fall down. Her arms were wrapped around herself and she was shaking slightly. Her eyes were closed and tears were falling from them.

I rushed to her and took her arms. For the next hour, I waited for her to calm down, but she kept whispering "It's my fault, I killed him." again and again. Her tears were soaking my shirt, but I didn't care. I just wanted, needed her to be okay.

**POV Effy**

I woke up not knowing where I was, nor why I was there. Then I remembered everything. In flashes. Cook barging in the shed, shouting and telling us about Freds' death. The tears began to flow, I felt guilty. I _was_ guilty, for fuck's sake. The guy died for me. And even if I didn't love him like he loved me, I still cared about him.

I felt someone stir behind me and that's when I noticed an arm wrapped around me. I turned and saw Katie, still sleeping. She opened her eyes slowly as I trailed my fingertips lightly on her skin. Our eyes met and I got lost in her brown orbs. Neither of us moved nor said anything for a few minutes. I knew my tears were still apparent on my face and my hand was still touching her face.

She finally broke it off: "Hey", she whispered huskily.

"Hi", I answered, removing my finger from her soft skin.

"How are you feeling?" My heart melted at her soft tone and her concern-filled eyes.

"Not so good, actually."

She flashed me a knowing and sad little smile, and extended her hand to wipe what was left of my tears. I looked back at her and as I gazed into her brown eyes, I felt the same connection I'd felt earlier, the same spark of mutual understanding and liking I'd witnessed a thousand times before between us. From the first time we talked. It was simple, I liked her. And as we got to know each other more, I merely fell in love with her. With the amazing and perfect Katie Fucking Fitch.

**POV Katie**

For the second time that day, I found myself looking straight into her magnificent blue eyes. Our faces were inches apart and all I wanted to do was close the gap and kiss her. _Are you dumb?_ I thought._ Her bloody boyfriend just died! And you want to kiss her?_

We were soon interrupted by the door opening slowly. My sister's head popped in and she told us:

"Hey, we made breakfast, if you want some."

She smiled sympathetically and disappeared.

"You hungry?" I asked Eff.

"Yeah, a bit. But," she started hesitantly, "where are we exactly?"

"We're at Naomi's. In one of her many rooms. We decided to all crash here last night after, well, after everything. We thought I'd be better to stay all together."

She nodded to herself. I stood up and, taking her hand, I helped her to get off the bed and up on her feet and we went downstairs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**POV Effy**

Katie was just behind me and as we entered the kitchen, the whole gang turned to look at us. They were all sitting around the table. I felt their gazes on me and Katie seemed to sense my unease towards them and their staring because she put a hand on my arm, calming me. Katie dragged me and we sat at the two places left at the end of the table.

For the whole breakfast, nobody spoke. The silence was deafening and the air was heavy with sadness and the awkwardness of not knowing what to do to comfort each other.

During the day, Cook, Emily and Naomi dealt with the police, who was there after Cook agreed to call them, which Naomi did, to signal the murders – Foster's and Freddie's. Cook was taken in, because he was already supposed to be there, but he told us not to worry about the murder allegations, he wasn't ashamed of the truth: He'd defended himself, Effy and he'd avenged Freddie.

And as the day went, I realised that everytime I entered a room my friends all looked at me with pity in their eyes. But also, I saw that they, like me, knew that it was my fault Freds had died. I could perceive it well in their way of acting too. That mix of pity, sadness and blame. All directed at me.

At around 2 pm, I couldn't take it anymore. I just left.

I wandered around the city for hours, my phone off, alone with my thoughts... and my guilt. I finally settled on a park I used to go to with Tony when I was younger. I sat on a bench and I continued thinking about what I'd do now. I had no idea. At that point, I didn't know where I stood in this world, but I didn't care, I just had to wait to find out.

**POV Effy**

I recognised Katie's voice as she called my name from behind me.

"Effy? What the fuck are you doing here? Bloody hell, we've been searching for you."

"I can take care of myself Katie." I said carelessly.

"No you can't! Your boyfriend just fucking died."

"I'm fucking tired of people treating me like I somehow should be any sadder than any of you are! You all fucking loved him too, why am I a special case?" I was nearly screaming.

"Because he was your boyfriend, for fuck's sake! You were special to him... We didn't, we don't love him as much as you do. We did as friend, not as a lover!"

"But I didn't love him that way either!" I blurted out, "I loved him as a friend, like you did."

"Then why were you dating him?" Her voice was softer, calmer now, but I could sense her surprise while she talked.

"Because I liked him, I guess. And, he was the only one who took care of me! He was the only one there for me when I needed someone the most." The truth I'd been hiding from everyone, including myself, was finally coming out. It was time I realised I did have a problem, and I did need someone to help me through it.

"That's not true!" She answered, looking really surprised. "I came to visit you, at the clinic, we all did!"

"Yeah well, I wish you'd have been there more often." I regretted saying it the instant the words came out of my mouth. I didn't need _someone_, I needed _her_. But I couldn't admit it.

She seemed astonished. "_I _had been there? Why me?"

I wished she hadn't caught it and ran my hand into my hair. To save myself from a really awkward situation, I said, real fast, "I, er, I meant the whole gang. And anyway, you're my friend, and I thought we were close! Closer than, well, than before. I just thought you'd have come and seen me more often."

"I'm sorry babes", she said, visibly calmed down. "You should've just said so."

She came closer and hugged me.

"Let's go home, okay?" she said.

"Home?" I mumbled, taking in the scent of her hair and her perfume.

"Naomi's place, whatever." We separated and walked all the way back to there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**POV Katie**

_Jesus fucking christ_, she'd freaked me out that afternoon. I had searched everywhere for her. I'd looked every bloody place she could've been, except _that_ park. I was so scared for her. I couldn't imagine losing her. You can't imagine how I felt when I found her. Relief washed over me as I saw her sitting right there, in front of me.

Then we fought. Arguing for basically nothing. And I realised how honest she was being when admitting she wasn't in love with Freddie. I could see it in her eyes. She couldn't lie to me.

My heart skipped a beat when she said she wanted _me_ to visit her. Again, I saw it in her eyes. The problem was, this time I didn't know what I'd seen there. But it was something. I just couldn't get it out of my head.

When we came back at Naomi's, everyone jumped on us. They were all shouting, asking if Eff was alright, where I had found her, what took me so long. I felt like my head was about to explode, so I yelled louder than them.

"Shut the fuck up!"

They all shut up at the same time. The silence was relieving but overflowing with tension. So I made them all sit down and I told them what happened. I left out our fight, because some things are better kept secret. And anyways, it wasn't any of their business. All the while, Effy just sat there, seemingly lost in her thoughts.

"But, but why'd she leave?" said Emily as I finished.

We all looked at Effy, who was visibly unaware of our staring.

"I have no idea." I answered.

I called her name and she snapped her eyes back to me in less than a second. Her beautiful eyes were wide opened, as if she'd been interrupted while doing something important. The genuine surprise was obvious and apparent in her features. She almost seemed like a child. I apologized hurriedly to everyone and took her by the hand, dragging her in the room we'd slept in. I sat her down on the bad and I positioned myself on my knees in front of her. I took her hands back in mine.

"Effy babes, what's wrong?"

She looked at me and took a deep breath, calming herself. So she told me the whole story. The breakdown, the emotions and the loneliness she'd felt. And all that she recounted only took me back to the parade day, when she was lost in the crowd, and I was dancing in that awful fluffy costume. I realised I brought her back, saved her, both times.

When she stopped talking, she stayed in the position she was in. Head bowed down, hands on her lap, carefully wrapped in mine, feet crossed.

"Eff, look at me," I said, hoping for some reaction on her part.

When she finally made eye contact, I saw the glistening water streaks down her cheeks. I hugged her right away and I felt her sobbing into my shirt for what felt like hours. I pulled back as her shoulders stopped shaking, and pulled her up with me so we were standing.

"Eff, why are you crying?"

"Katie, Freddie's death was my fault! Why can't you see that?''

"Freddie didn't die because of you! He died because he was fighting for someone he cared about. He would've done the same for any of us. Also, because he was a weak prick. But we all loved him, like he loved us, and everyone in this house knows it's not your fault."

And that's when the screaming started.

"Don't you see the way they look at me?" Her hand kept running through her hair, she looked lost and confused. Her voice was becoming louder with every word that came out of her mouth. "They're blaming me and they're right to do so."

She went on and on about how it was her fault. I just needed her to stop! She was only hurting herself for no reason. So I did the only thing I could think of. I kissed her.


	4. Chapter 4

Guys, I am _so _sorry for not posting for so long. I'll try my best so this never happens again. But finally, here it is! The 4th chapter. I'm probably going to post the 5th chapter tomorrow! Hope you enjoy ;)

**Chapter 4**

**POV Effy**

I was pissed. I was so fucking pissed at Katie! She just kept lying to me, telling me it was going to be okay, saying they didn't blame me. I hated her for her lame lying. I knew the truth anyway! Why keep lying? So I yelled. I took it all out on her. And god did it feel good.

I could see in her eyes how shocked and taken aback she was. And I was equally when I suddenly felt my back against the door, and Katie's lips pressed against mine. Just like that, the one thing I'd wanted to happen for the last year happened. I entangled my fist in her hair when I felt her tongue get into my mouth. She felt so amazing and I revelled in the way her body was firmly pressed against mine as I put my hand on her hip and brought her closer than she already was, if it was even possible.

We broke apart, breathless, as we heard a soft knock on the door. It was Naomi, who said, oblivious to what just happened:

"Is everything okay guys? We heard shouting and a loud bang."

"Uh, yeah, yeah everything's fine," said Katie, fastly recovering. "Effy and I still need to talk about some stuff so we're, uh, gonna stay here to figure things out."

"Okay... I'll call you when dinner's ready."

We heard the footsteps fading in the distance as she left. I could feel the tension in the air all around as we turned to each other.

"We, er, we should talk about it," said Katie, finally breaking the awkward silence.

"About what?" I answered.

"Um, maybe the fact that we just kissed?"

"You kissed me!"

"Don't act like you didn't kiss back," she smirked, but she was as serious as ever.

So we stood there, looking at each other in the eyes. Katie was the one to break the silence once again, saying:

"Well, I-I'm sorry. It wasn't appropriate, especially with everything you're going through, but it was the only way I found to make you shut up."

"So you did it to shut me up?" I asked, looking smug, taking revenge for her

She glared at me, visibly waiting for me to make my own explanation to get over the awkwardness that didn't seem to want to leave.

"And I kissed you back only in the heat of the moment. So I'm sorry too. We shouldn't have done it."

"Yeah, exactly! So, we're okay right?" I could hear her voice quivering faintly as she said the last word.

"Yeah, uh, we're fine."

"Perfect." The awkwardness still lingered for a minute before she went back to talking about the one thing I didn't want to talk about. "So, I think we need to talk about what happened before."

Her gaze trained on me and she started speaking too calmly, as if I was a child and she wanted to make sure I got everything she said.

"No one here blames you Effy. It was Freddie's own fault. Not yours! You need to stop thinking we all blame you, but more importantly, _you_ need to stop blaming _yourself, _because you'll end up destroying yourself. You need to face reality: _You aren't in any way guilty of this._ We all know it and we love you."

**POV Katie**

After I spoke to her, we were announced (but it did sound more like yelling) dinner was ready. We were all present, except for JJ, who'd gone to see Freds' dad. After half an hour, he came back with Karen, who had gone home the day before to be there for her dad. They told us the funeral was going to be the next Friday, three days later.

"Uh, Effy? Can I talk to you for a minute?" asked Karen hesitantly.

I could see the panic in Effy's eyes, proving me she still didn't believe a word of what I'd said earlier. I didn't blame her though. She just looked like a frightened child.

"If you want, Katie can come too, it's okay, I just want to talk," she said. She'd probably noticed how close we now were.

"Uh, yeah, Effy follow me. It's okay," I said, taking her by the hand.

We decided to go in one of the many rooms and we all sat on a sofa. It was Karen who spoke first.

"Effy, Katie told me how you blamed yourself. And I wanted you to know that _I_ don't. And my opinion means a lot more, right? This was not your fault at all. And you are coming to Freddie's funeral. I want you there. We _all_ want you there."

Effy had tears in her eyes as Karen stopped talking. I could see that she was finally believing it. Karen made her realise it wasn't her fault. Because if Freddie's sister, and probably his dad too, didn't blame her, who would?


	5. Chapter 5

YOU GUYS! I am _so _sorry for the months of waiting. To be honest, I was a lazy shit: I've basically written this whole fanfic already, but I just need to type it and I _hate _typing so I have literally no excuse for the wait. But now I AM BACK BITCHES and I'm going to try to publish every 2-3 days, for real this time!

So, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a bit longer than the other ones and WARNING: There is a _lot _of Keffy goodness ;)

**Chapter 5**

**POV Katie**

Effy sat at Karen's side at the funeral and I could see her shoulders shaking as she crying through the whole ceremony even if I was sitting a few rows behind her.

We all went back to Naomi's right after the funeral. We did the food and ate in silence, all still a bit down from the long day that had just gone by. When we were done with eating, some people went back to their houses, although Emily, Effy and I stayed, with Naomi, of course. We were still here because Emily needed her girlfriend, especially since they were just starting to get their relationship back on track. As for Eff and I, she needed me and she needed time away from everything, so I gave her that.

We went back to our respective rooms. "You should sleep. You had a long day," I said. We prepared for bed and lied side by side, but with distance between us, like we'd done for the past few days.

It only took two minutes before I heard her sob.

"Effy, you _did_ care for him, right?"

"Yes, but I didn't love him the way he loved me. I stuck with him because he was the only one there, but he didn't really help. He cared so much, he took care of me every single day, but he brought them back. He was one of the triggers for them to come back. But you, you were different. You chased them away. You seemed to be the only one to be able to do that. And you've been doing it for the past week."

"Me? But, when? How, why?"

"I don't know how, but I realised it the day of the parade, when you saved me from the crowd. They were, they were following me, and when I saw you, when you held me, they left. Like they were terrified at the sight of you being there. You were my guardian angel."

She had turned to face me while she was talking. Our faces were mere inches apart and I leaned close, attracted like a magnet. Our lips met with force and she flipped us over so she was on top as I opened my mouth. Our tongues met deliciously and I was incapable of holding back the small whimper that came out of my mouth.

Her hands were roaming all over my body and my nails were slightly digging into her back. I felt one of her hands go further south and she started kissing my neck. A deep moan came out of my throat. Instantly, she brought her hands back up and unbuttoned my blouse slowly. She was kissing my body and I couldn't think. But my brain came back to consciousness and made me realise that this was going too far, despite how good it felt. I pushed her away gently, but kept her close, knowing she would run at first sign of my hesitation.

"Effy, stop." She looked at me with hurting eyes, doing the one thing I'd been fearing she'd do. "We... we can't do this! Well, I... just not here. Not like this. You, er, you should sleep now babes."

She stayed on top of me, unmoving, staring into my eyes for a few minutes. Then she rolled off me and curled up on her side of the bed.

**POV Effy**

During all those years I'd forbidden myself from telling her about my feelings, from kissing her i the hallways, from doing anything about my love, but now I'd finally done one of those things. And I knew the rest of it wasn't far ahead: She hadn't said no. Well, she hadn't said never. She'd strongly implied there would be another time and the butterflies in my belly wouldn't stop. I fell asleep with in my mind hope at the possibility of some kind of future with the beautiful girl sleeping next to me.

I opened my eyes the next morning to see her face right in front of mine. She was still asleep and we were entangled in each other, our legs entwined and our arms around each other. Feeling a sudden rush of courage, I gave her a small peck on the lips and her eyes opened.

"Next time, maybe you should check if I'm asleep before kissing me," she said with a grin forming on her lips.

I was shocked, I didn't know how to respond, but she just came closer and kissed me again. This time, it turned into a full-on passionate kiss. I drew back after a few minutes of intense making out and said: "We should talk about this. For real this time. I mean, what are we? Friends seeking comfort after another friend's death? Are we something more?"

I couldn't believe how much balls I had. First kissing her, then questioning this? I started worrying, what if she didn't want me? What if I just screwed it all up?

"Effy! Look at me!" I snapped my eyes back to hers. "Listen to me carefully: This is something okay? I honestly have no idea what it is or what it means, but I felt that spark. And I'm pretty sure you did too. This is more than friendship. Whatever it is, I think it's worth a shot. I think we should try it. Dating, I mean, but er, if you don't want to it's o-okay, I can't bla-"

I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers in a brief kiss. She'd pulled the trick on me twice and now it was my turn. Who cares, it worked!

"Katie, your turn to listen to me. I want to," I could feel my cheeks flush as I talked, and that _doesn't happen to Effy Stonem_. "But right now isn't the best time. With Freddie's death and everything. We just have so much to deal with. I'm saying yes, but let's just wait a bit, okay?"

"Yeah, I understand. I'll wait, I'll do it for you." I beamed at her words. I was becoming a sappy mess already, I was _so_ screwed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Five Weeks Later**

**POV Katie**

Effy and I's first date was tonight! FINA-FUCKING-LLY! After a week, everyone had gone back to their respective houses and everything came back to normal. Well, as normal as it doul ever be with Freddie missing. We were all still coping with the loss of one of our best friends.

I'd always liked him. Not _that_ way, as a friend. Of course, I was also constantly jealous of him for having Effy, he was what she wanted after all. Or so I thought.

But now none of that even mattered. Eff wanted me, not him, and tonight we were going out. For the first time. No one would take that away from me. I just, I'd waited so long for that to happen, and I never truly hoped it would. But then we had to wait, to keep from upsetting the rest of the gang, especially Cook, but after a while, we felt things had cooled down. It was totally worth waiting for.

I picked up Effy at seven at her mom's. I'd invited her to a quite fancy restaurant, so we were both dressed up. I had this pretty red dress I had found at a little boutique close to my house. But I couldn't compare to my gorgeous date, who was wearing a simple black dress, classy and minimalistic but oh so beautiful. She looked breath-taking.

We spent the night talking about us. We had known each other for quite some time, then kissed when no one was looking for a bit more than a month and we both agreed that now was a good time to take the next step. Which meant, becoming more official, and start telling people.

We decided that the first person that would know would be Ems, because she was my sister. I was tired of keeping it from her, even if, frankly, I was absolutely terrified of her reaction. I had to be the one to tell her the news, but even then I didn't know what to expect from her.

We came back to Effy's house really late that night, we hadn't seen the time go by, it was just so easy to be in each other's company. With her I'd become so mushy and pathetically in love, but I revelled in the feelings I had for her.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked as we reached the front door.

"Yeah, sure."

I entered the house, following her steps and went to the living room. Her parents were gone for the weekend, once again trying to fix their broken relationship. Tony, for his part, was still at college, so we basically had the house to ourselves.

Sitting on the couch, we turned on the television to a random program airing at a channel we didn't really care about. We were mostly cuddling on the couch, unaware of our surroundings. We got lost in each other and started making out on the couch, our intentions becoming more and more obvious. We hadn't gone that far in our relationship yet, but it seemed that was the night for a lot of progressing between us.

Effy pushed back for a second and I locked gaze with her. Her eyes were dark with arousal and without breaking eye contact, she got up, took my hand and pulled me up, taking me upstairs.

We were holding hands all the way up, and when we got to her room, I didn't even have time to enter the room properly before her mouth was covering mine again. Our kisses were frantic and our hands were everywhere. The ambiance was heavy and hot with the anticipation, the pent up frustration and the sexual tension we'd ignored for the past few weeks, knowing we both weren't ready.

But now we were. I was ready to give myself completely, to give my heart and soul to the most perfect person I knew, Effy Stonem, my girlfriend.

It was happening.

This was the moment.

* * *

**A/N **I know this is a really short chapter, but I wanted to end it that way. Not sorry for the cliffhanger, you'll get your sexy times in the next chapter guys, see you next time ;)


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